“The only thing more exhausting than being depressed is pretending that you’re not.”
This anonymous quote really hits hard. It provides much insight into the experience of depression. You may ask, “Why pretend?”
It’s important to note that each person’s experience with depression is unique, and not everyone will respond or cope in the same way. So, there are different reasons why people pretend. Let’s start with self-preservation, the fear of stigma, and that desire to fit in.
Depression often comes with feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Pretending to be okay can be a coping mechanism to protect oneself from further emotional pain or to maintain a sense of control. Many depressed youth are pressured to conform to societal expectations and maintain their relationships and social connections.
Once they admit their depression, they believe it would alienate them from others and cause them to be perceived as weak or incapable. So, they pretend to be fine to avoid standing out or burdening those around them. By putting on a façade of normalcy, depressed individuals may feel that they can shield themselves from additional stress or unwanted attention.
Counsellor Aide León Josiah is cognisant of the lingering stigma and misunderstanding that surround depression, as well as many reasons why young people conceal their depression. He described depression as a mental illness that adversely affects the way you behave, think and feel.
However, Josiah said, “depression is usually misunderstood with sadness. Recognising the difference between sadness as an emotion and depression as a diagnosis can be extremely helpful to an individual in how they process both experiences”.
While sadness is a normal part of the human experience and tends to diminish over time as the individual processes his/her feelings, depression is a persistent and pervasive condition that lasts for an extended period—weeks, months, or even years.
It is characterised by a profound and pervasive sense of sadness, hopelessness, and despair, and Josiah pointed out that “depression doesn’t need a reason to occur”. It can arise without a specific trigger and create serious unease, and so too can a toxic relationship.
A young woman, who requested anonymity, told YouthZone, “nothing cause[s] depression more than when you’re in a relationship with people who don’t treat you right, but you still need them. I’m depressed for years now. I only stay because I have needs and bills to pay, and it’s very difficult to find someone to take up other people’s responsibility and feed their children”. Until she “can do better,” the young woman vowed to stay in the relationship that’s plagued with arguments, abuse, and infidelity.
For some people, finance trumps all. They fail to realise that dysfunctional homes can breed further depression and chaos.
As Josiah indicated, “When the peace within the home is disrupted, the environment can become extremely toxic and unwelcoming. Young people usually take on the pain they feel from family issues privately. They frequently get involved in relationships that are not always beneficial, because they are searching for a way to fill the void the family disputes have caused.”
Depression also finds itself into homes where academic expectations are high and parents pressure children to excel. Josiah warned parents not to create unnecessary pressure, but build a supportive and non-judgmental environment to bring out the best in young people.
Depression also manifests itself online. “Young people attribute a lot of self-worth to their online validation. However, when individuals take it upon themselves to negatively blast another individual on social media,” Josiah asserted, “it can cause immense pain and desperation.”
Cyberbullying often occurs in a public online environment, which can make victims feel exposed and isolated. Victims of cyberbullying may constantly ruminate on the hurtful messages they receive and analyse and internalise the negative content repeatedly, which can perpetuate negative thought patterns and trigger or exacerbate depressive symptoms. The fear of judgement and harassment can cause persons to withdraw from social interactions.
Cyberbullying can also disrupt a person’s sleep patterns due to anxiety, fear, or distress. Sleep disturbances like insomnia and excessive sleep are common symptoms and propellers of depression. Josiah stated that adequate sleep is important not only for physical health and recovery, but also for mental health and stability. In dire situations, the counsellor aide advised seeking professional help. Medication and proper therapeutic measures may be needed.
Self-care is also vital for managing depression. According to Josiah, coping strategies like mindfulness and relaxation techniques, regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, setting achievable goals, establishing a daily routine, and engaging in activities you enjoy are all critical. You just have to find what works best for you.
Schools can join the fight too by implementing emotional well-being programmes, reducing academic pressure, and promoting open discussions about mental health. Training teachers and staff to recognise signs of depression and providing mental health support for them as well can create a more supportive environment for all.