Dear Koren,
My neighbour has three children and the two older ones seem polite and okay but the young boy that looks like about 12 years old has no manners. They moved in next to me about five months ago and the boy has taken fruit off my trees, he always arguing and fighting with his older sister and the boy always look angry and mean. I know children fight and do things but this child look like he have anger issues or something frustrating him. One time I start a conversation with him and it was just “no miss” or “yes miss” with this harsh tone of voice. He talk like a big man.
I want to approach his mother to ask her to send him to my church but I don’t know if she will be offended and I don’t want this young man angry at me as I’m an elderly woman living alone. But with everything going on with young people, I feel something should be done. I would appreciate any suggestion you have on how to deal with this because young people are who will run our country one day.
Sincerely,
Concerned Neighbour
Dear Neighbour,
I commend your caring and compassionate spirit in wanting to help this young man. It seems to me that you have good intentions and your concern for the well-being of this child is truly admirable. Dealing with a situation like this can be delicate, so here are some suggestions on how to approach it with care and consideration.
Initiate a friendly conversation with the boy’s mother. Express your appreciation for having them as neighbours and the generally positive interactions you’ve had with her other children. Then express your concern about the younger son’s behaviour – you can mention him picking the fruit without asking, him seeming angry and anything else you have noticed.
Make sure you do not sound like you are blaming her and also ensure that your tone of voice and words convey concern, rather than accusation. Ask her if there is anything that the community can do to help.
Suggest a supportive approach. Instead of immediately proposing sending him to your church, discuss the benefits of community support and involvement. Mention that your church has programmes that can be enriching for young people and can provide a supportive environment. Emphasise that it’s a place of care and guidance, not a form of punishment. If she initiates it, it’s easier for everyone and he would not see you as meddling.
Offer your assistance. If you feel safe enough and comfortable, you can decide if you want to offer to mentor him, be a listening ear or sponsor him for an after-school programme, if you can afford it. You have already observed that there does not seem to be a father-figure physically present, so mention to her the importance of positive role models and a support system for young people.
Whatever her response is, respect her decision because she knows him better than you do and there might be reasons for his behaviour that she is unwilling to bring up as she might not be trusting. If she declines your help, then that’s fine.
Remember that you’re taking a step in the right direction by showing genuine concern and a willingness to help. Approach this with empathy, and the impact can be profound, not only on the young boy but on the entire community. Your dedication to fostering a nurturing environment for young people is truly commendable. It’s individuals like you who can make a positive difference in the lives of the youth in Antigua and Barbuda who will indeed shape the future.
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