Dear Koren,
My heart is really bleeding right now. Me and my husband raise our kids humble but my daughter behaving as if she is ashamed of us. She has a son who is four years old and my husband love the child. I never even see him so excited with his own children and the boy loves him too but my daughter carry the child over to the father parents most weekend because they have a fancy place and they buy him gifts. My husband and I don’t have a lot of money but he teach the boy things and he is happy with us. I tried to talk to her as I don’t mind two weekends by them and two by us and she said it’s her child and she not obligated to bring him how I want and she has to think about his future. I didn’t raise her like that at all.
Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
I’m sorry you are not getting to see enough of your beloved grandson, especially since he seems to have a marvellous connection with his grandfather.
Listen, you have lived long enough to know that in this life, we cannot control other people. We can stick to our guns and insist on what we want and sometimes that is okay. Alternatively, we can try to compromise and see things from their perspective and, in many instances, we are able to find a suitable middle ground.
As much as you love your grandson, his mother is responsible for him and unless she is putting him in danger – physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise, she gets to choose how she wants to raise him. Of course, you can give your input, but final decisions are left to the parents. I think it is what you would have done with your children – what you thought was best for them.
Perhaps she has more information at hand that you do not have in terms of plans for him with his other grandparents. Nothing is wrong with them having a fancy place or buying him gifts. Maybe you have a more down-to-earth lifestyle which is good but we don’t want to judge them too harshly simply because they are privileged. I would hope they love this delightful young man just as much as you do. Perhaps the two sets of grandparents should meet.
Please trust that how you have raised her will impact her decisions. I’m not sure if you had the discussion with her using an accusing tone or making her feel like she was not acting in her son’s interest. A discussion like that might make her defensive.
Perhaps you can use the approach that both sets of grandparents care about him and he will learn different things at the different homes and then ask for the two weekends a month.
Perhaps you can even take it a step further and ask for some weekday afternoons; you can be flexible and offer to babysit him at his home or let his mom know she can bring him. The idea is to not criticise her methods, but to highlight the benefits of having your grandson spend time with you.
Also, enjoy the time you get with your grandchild. Make it meaningful, whether it’s one weekend a month or two. In between visits, you can do WhatsApp calls, do prayers with him at nights or something. Also, please remember that a good relationship with his parents is also a plus for your grandson.
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