Dear Koren,
Young ladies keep saying they want a man to care about more than their body but I’m getting a different vibe. I personally have seen my mother and older sisters go through so much with men that I grew up wanting to do different. I am 28 years old ma’am and I believe in having a more ‘mind and heart’ connection in my relationships and not just to focus on the physical. Most of the women that I approach or
try to date seem like it’s all about the physical and just sex early on.
One woman asked me if I’m gay because she sent me some photos and I told her not to do that again. I feel like I’m being judged for wanting something different and not just looking to smash. I think young ladies need to know their value and have more confidence that they can bring more to a relationship than their body. But what do I say to them to show I want more without them feeling attacked or that something is wrong with me?
Dear young man,
I congratulate you for seeing that the value in women goes far beyond just their physical being. I also commend you for being sensitive enough to recognize what females in your family went through and seeking to break the cycle. Sometimes out of painful moments we can learn valuable lessons.
You are right; most women I know have said they do not want to be seen as a sex object, but as a holistic person with other needs. In fact, I’ve seen many cartoons and memes where a man is looking at a woman’s body and she brings his attention back to her face, by saying, “up here”. The reality is that many of these young ladies might be operating on the perception that as a 28-year-old man, sex is what you want first and foremost and so that might be why they assume that offering some physical contact or suggestive photos would pique or capture your interest.
Maybe it is what they have grown accustomed to. Also, because the ratio of men to women is so large (many women-fewer men), some females believe that they really need to give a man what they think he needs to rate with him or hold him. Don’t compromise your values. There are women out there who will have a similar mind-set to you. I suggest that whichever woman you are interested in, let her know early on who you are. If she tries to move faster than you are ready, thank her for offering the goodies but let her know, now is not the time for that as yet. You can use the statement, “I want to get to know you”. Spend time communicating, getting to know each other, especially how she grew up, because that will give you an idea of why she behaves however she does.
Also ensure you go slow with the physical contact – hugs, holding hands, pats, etc, as touch is a love language for some persons. Again, because feeling beautiful and desirable is important to a woman, offer compliments that are genuine. I’m pretty sure some woman will really appreciate your approach and you will find the meaningful connection you seek.
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