Dear Koren,
I’m 24 years old and my girlfriend is 29. For nearly six months we have been getting along and although I am younger than her, I make sure I don’t bother her for no sex for the first four months. It wasn’t easy because she really nice and thick and I get real feelings around her. But I wanted to prove I’m mature enough for her, so I just chill. Now we finally start doing it and things really good and she starting to act up and have attitude and get vex very easy if I don’t text by a certain time and everything. I want to know why when things supposed to be nice because we doing everything like a real man and women, why is now she acting up? What am I really supposed to do? I need some advice because I don’t want to say anything for her to throw my age in my face.
Dear Young Man,
I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your concerns. It’s commendable that you took the time to build a connection with your girlfriend and were mindful of her comfort before engaging in a physical relationship. That’s not typical of most guys your age, and exercising restraint to put the person’s comfort before your physical needs is good.
It’s possible that your girlfriend’s change in behaviour could be linked to expectations or emotions arising from the newfound intimacy. Women, just like men, can have various emotional responses to sex, and while it excites a man and makes him feel close to a woman as a way of expressing his love or attraction, for a woman, she often feels like she is giving a big part of her so she wants to be sure she is not being taken for granted. Maybe she is thinking “I am giving more so he should be giving more and not be so comfortable”.
Mind-reading is not anyone’s superpower, so when it comes to relationships, I always advocate for communication. Instead of making assumptions about the behaviour and attitude that she is displaying, consider having an open and honest conversation with her about your observations and feelings. Ask her how she’s been feeling lately and if there’s anything on her mind. You can come right out and say you notice she has been getting upset a lot lately and if she can tell you the reason for that.
It might also be helpful to express your own emotions and concerns. Let her know that you are happy with the relationship, appreciate the big step y’all have taken, and how much you appreciate that she is sharing so much of herself with you. Emphasise that you genuinely want to understand and support her and do your part to let the relationship be peaceful and happy.
Remember, it’s not about blaming or pointing fingers, but rather creating a space for both of you to share your thoughts and feelings openly. This will help build a stronger foundation for your relationship moving forward.
Lastly, age should not be a barrier to communication. I know you mentioned being younger and it’s really cool that you are making an effort to be mature. As a man, certain things are expected of you, regardless of your age. So, initiate a positive discussion in a calm manner and create a safe space for her to share what is really bugging her. I hope she opens up and your relationship continues to grow positively.
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