Dear Koren,
My last relationship left me really broke. She had two children, lost her job because we didn’t take the vaccine and we end up using off my savings. I can’t really say she pressure me. I more pressure myself because the kids are really cool and the father wasn’t checking them. She moved back to her country now and we still friends but I’m ready to date again because I don’t like to be alone, but dating is rough when your salary small because the ladies like nice things. Right now, I’m about trying to just have a simple life. What do I say so they know I can still give love on a budget because I want a good quality lady in my life but they come with a cost.
Man with Real Talk
Dear Real talk man,
Listen, I hear you, bro. You are not the only man out there whose bank account is more of a puddle than a pool. Plenty men out there are going through a rough patch financially and are still able to have a good dating life. It depends on two things – what you bring to the table other than money and the woman that you choose to date.
Before we go any further, one thing I want to advise you: do not go out and ask a woman to split a bill. Unless you know you have enough to cover the cost of whatever meal y’all are eating, have a foodless date. There are many cost-effective things you can do – beach, movies, hiking, watching sunset, etc. Dating is not about impressing someone; it’s about learning about each other, enjoying experiences and just having fun.
Be confident about the positive things in your life that you bring to the table. Whether that is your chill attitude, your ability to give affection, how good of a listener you are, your epic foot rubs, your sense of humour, the speed with which you can change a tyre — whatever it is, highlight what you are good at. If the matter of your financial situation comes up, then be honest about the fact that you are living on a budget. There is no need to bring this up right away; wait until there is a possibility of long-term connection.
Let your date know that while you may not be able to indulge in lavish outings at the moment, you’re genuinely interested in spending time together. Emphasise the value of the connection you’re building. Remember, relationships are built on connection, shared values, and mutual understanding. If someone is genuinely interested in you, they will appreciate your honesty and authenticity.
By the way, still do what you can to build your finances. If at some point you want a family, you have seen the cost of having kids and it is just the sensible thing to do.
Remember, in dating, not having money should not be a deal breaker. If it is for the woman, then she just is not the one for you.
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