I’m not going to lie to you – some people push your buttons so much that it takes the strength of the north, south, east and west winds to control yourself from slapping them upside the head. They are taunting, provoking, dishonest, disrespectful and rude. Some go as far as to put their hands in your face.
Do they deserve a beatdown? Very likely. However, they are not worth it.
Walk away. Calmness is still a superpower. You can use it to walk away from fights and thus maintain your peace, avoid legal issues, keep your blood pressure down and have an overall better quality of life.
As a bonus, by walking away and being the bigger person, you teach those around you to do the same. Modelling good behaviour is never out of style.
Here are five things to think about as you practice the art of walking away.
- You send the message that you can control yourself and no one can manipulate you by getting you to say something or behave in a way that does not resonate with who you are. You make an active choice to pick your battles and how you want to engage.
- You will be taken more seriously. Think of all the people you know who you would describe as “hot-headed” or who “fly-off the handle” for every little thing. Persons who are always reactionary and explosive do not always get the respect they want. They become known for their attitude.
- Words cannot be taken back and so it is always best to think about what you want to say to someone before you blurt it out in a fit of anger. Even if you apologise, the person never forgets that those words came out of your mouth and were a reflection of how you see him or her.
- Arguing does not change people’s behaviour. When you fight and argue with someone, both you and the other person are defensive. Your guns are blazing, your sword and shield are up and no one is listening to hear the good points the other person is making. Both persons are focused on winning, but we know that while it might appear so, nobody actually wins a war. Talking to someone when both of you are in a better place and asking important questions that enable self-reflection, is a much better way for someone to consider meaningful change.
- Your mental and physical health take a beating when you are constantly in a state of conflict. You ruminate about a fight for hours after it has happened and that has the potential to disrupt your sleep, crush your productivity, and spill over into your relationship conversations in a negative way. Your mood is off and you just feel rotten. Your blood pressure and blood sugar can become elevated and often times, anxiety can set in when you have to deal with that person again.
Sometimes we have to defend ourselves and stand up for what is right. I get that, but there is still an appropriate way to do that. As adults, we must understand that using our fists and our words viciously to brutally tear down someone else can come to no good. It takes courage and guts to walk away from a fight. Let’s try it.
Send your questions and comments to [email protected]. Your confidentiality is assured.