I Thought That It Could Never Happen To Me…
22nd June 2006
By Susan Noyce
We continue this new series with the story of a man who thought HIV/AIDS could not happen to him. Such feelings of invincibility are universal. Many people feel that they are blessed that their guardian angel would protect them even as they continue to take risks.
Some refuse to believe that a good-looking guy or girl who’s caught their attention could be anything less than perfect and crowned in this false belief. They place themselves and others at risk. Since the advent of this series, people have called and written to ask if the stories are true or if the Daily Observer is on a skyscraper mission. Stories are not only true, they are being told firsthand by the people whose identities we have protected for obvious reasons. There is a lesson in them for everyone, for as we like to remember HIV/AIDS, it’s everyone’s business as we are either infected or affected. I thought it couldn’t happen to me.
John Doe #2
I don’t know how long I had been living with the disease. When I found out I was infected, I’d always been healthy, I’d always been a healthy person and because of that I had no idea I was ill.
Actually, before I contracted this disease, I always thought it could never happen to me.
I thought I would know if one of the girls I was going with was HIV positive by looking at her.
I found out about my illness after I had a slight stroke and my doctor felt that because I was working so hard that it might have been the cause.
You see, I’m a 38 year old man with my whole life ahead of me.
After I had the stroke, I did a series of blood tests including one for HIV.
To tell the truth, I was not always faithful to my girlfriend.
Whenever we had disagreements, she would hold malice against me for long.
She carried on and on about what I did and what I didn’t do.
She was rather nagging.
Anyway, even for little things, she wouldn’t let me relieve myself by having sex with her.
So, you can guess I went looking.
I’m not one of these guys that like condoms.
You see, with condoms, you don’t get the real thing.
In fact, it’s like you’re not getting anything at all.
None of the girls I had sex with looked like they had HIV and before I had sex, I asked them or I should say, I said, I hope you’re not sick with nothing, you know.
Nobody’s going to tell you straight up that they are HIV positive.
Let me be honest, there have been a couple of times that I haven’t used a condom, especially if I knew the girl well.
With my girlfriend, I didn’t use any but I knew that she was clean.
I don’t think I got a disease from her.
My girlfriend or I should say ex-girlfriend after she was told left me pronto.
Have you, have you ever been in trouble and your belly burns you?
My doctor told me I had to tell her and also tell the other persons I had been with.
I didn’t know how to tell her.
She had always accused me of sleeping with other women but she never had any evidence. Now, here was the evidence.
Right in her face, she knew that if she too was infected, I was the one who gave it to her.
As she had always said, she had never cheated on me and not only that, we had a baby and when she took the HIV test during her pregnancy, it was negative.
She took the test again after I told her I was infected and again it was negative.
The day I told her, I visited her at her home and said I wanted to speak to her about something.
I beat around the bush telling her how much I cared about her and how much I loved her and when I told her that I was HIV positive, all she said, all she did was stare at me and she let out such a scream that I can still hear her screaming each time I think about the situation. She cried and she cried and she cried and all I could do was cry along with her.
She told me how much she hated me for doing this to her.
She told me I might have just killed her because she probably has the virus too.
Since then, my girlfriend has gone overseas with our child.
She does not keep in contact with me and it has not been three years.
I tried to find her but her family won’t divulge any information.
I’ve heard from relatives of hers that she’s doing fine.
I recently saw a picture of my daughter and she is a beauty.
I don’t know what her status is, but I’m praying it is negative.
I’ve been taking medication which keeps me up and whenever I need a doctor, whenever I need to see a doctor and get more medication I go overseas.
I’ve seen persons who are known to be HIV positive treated badly.
Even at Holberton Hospital I visited a friend of mine who is HIV positive and saw how the nurses treated him.
I’ve thought of telling my mother but I know she will tell other family members and someone may find out who shouldn’t know.
I’m not going out with anyone seriously at present but I’m still having sex.
No one can look at me and know I’m infected.
I’m looking healthy and not only that I’m a good-looking guy.
Ladies are attracted to me and I know I’m wrong but there are times girls tell me they don’t believe in condoms and so we take a chance.
I often wish, I often wish things could have been different.
I wish I could have stayed faithful to my girl or if not use a condom or two every time.
Sometimes I have my, sometimes I think my days, sometimes I have my days when I think it’s better I end my life for I feel guilty or guilty to knowing I have infected other women and they in turn infected their boyfriends or husbands.
HIV travels in a circle that has no ending. I think this disease came around for a reason.
