Dear Koren,
Is it normal for a woman to want a break from her children? My mother always was with us after work and weekends but my wife is now insisting that she need her “me time” and she goes out with these three girls every Saturday night and I stay with the two children who are six and nine. These friends she have are not parents so they don’t have the same responsibilities. Is this bad parenting or is this a new modern woman thing? If I decide to take a night now for myself, then what? These decisions only make long after you have kids with them; they never show these sides at the beginning.
Dear Father,
Your children must be so happy to have some alone time with Daddy every Saturday night. It is a wonderful thing for you to bond with them, teach them all the good things you learned, plus extra helpful things you have picked up over the years. This is a golden opportunity for you to pour love into them, have their undivided attention and to really listen to them and connect with them.
I don’t know your wife, but I might be partly to blame for this situation. You see, I am one of those persons who have been encouraging women to take time for themselves. Dad, women have been the burden bearers for generations and have carried the brunt of the weight of nurturing the family and ensuring everyone is okay for decades.
It has been a pleasure and a joy for many women, but many others have had their backs bent under the weight of the expectations of society, husbands and partners to keep it all together, all of the time. It is not bad parenting to take some time off for yourself.
And so we want women to pause – to feed their own souls, to acknowledge their need for a break and for three hours a week to not have to be responsible for another human being. Is that too much to ask? She is not leaving them with a stranger. When she gets a break and refills her energy tank, that extra that she receives is often poured right back into her family.
Without a break, she could become tired, grouchy, bitter and resentful. A woman can love her husband and children with all the love in the world, but it does not mean she must not love herself. We have taken this idea of sacrificial love too far. Love means recognising that people have multiple facets of them and supporting their need for fulfilment in all areas.
Maybe you might feel jealous that she finds joy from someone or something outside of the family, but I can assure you that, for most women, while they enjoy the break and the time to discuss girl things, they are happy to get back home to the ones who they hold close to their hearts.
So I’m asking you dad, is it too much to give the woman you love a few hours for herself? She benefits, you benefit and the children benefit. Watch her this weekend. See how she most likely comes back with renewed energy, with a smile on her face and consider this your gift to her.
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