I Should Have Left Him But…
8th June 2006
By Susan Noyce
Last week, we heard the story of a Christian woman who stayed faithful to her husband yet contracted HIV after he had an affair. This time, in another real tale, we hear the voice of a woman who knew her boyfriend was cheating but maintained the relationship, now she is living with the virus. This is not a made up story, it is the real account of someone living with HIV in Antigua and Barbuda. The details may change, but the message is clear, HIV/AIDS does not discriminate, hopefully we can learn from the experiences of others.
Jane Doe #2
My boyfriend died not too long ago, I can still remember him with his soft voice and trustworthy eyes. We have three children together and he had one with someone else during the time we were together.
I found out about the other girl after she became pregnant.
How I found out about my illness was after our last child became ill.
Actually, I found out my child was HIV positive at first, he wasn’t thriving but had a constant fever and wouldn’t keep anything down, his HIV test returned positive and so did mine.
It ended up that my boyfriend, myself, his other girlfriend and our child were victims of the dreaded disease.
I blame myself because I should have left him the moment I found out about the other girl. But who could tell who had it first because it turned out his girlfriend had someone else also.
It’s really hard when you think you’re young and restless and carefree.
My plans were to continue my studies after my last child, I wanted to be trained in some things so I could better myself.
I thought this only happened to certain kinds of people.
I was still trying to accept my illness and things seem to be getting from bad to worse these days.
My baby died before his dad and I have been having a hard time finding employment because when someone knows who I am and that I’m ill, then I’m fired. I turn these days to some guys I’m going with.
Most of them use a condom, I shouldn’t say always because there have been at least five of them who refuse to use a condom, even though I tell them to.
At least, even though I don’t tell them I’m HIV positive, I tell them to use a condom, so then how guilty can I be? My kids need support. No one cares about me and I have to make a living somehow.
My late boyfriend’s other girl has had at least three boyfriends since he died.
Her child does not have the virus and has been tested many times.
I’m very depressed sometimes, as is expected for my kids are a handful.
They keep on asking for daddy and all I can tell them is that daddy has gone to the great beyond.
They don’t understand though. Once in a while, my mother takes care of them, they are HIV free.
The test has been done on them also. It has been negative, thank God, because I don’t know how I would be able to support two ill kids.
If I could go back, I would have kept myself to myself, I would have tested the person who I had intentions to have sex with.
I’m sort of living life carelessly now because I feel so lost.
It’s like there is no one to turn to. My boyfriend’s parents don’t attend to the kids, they say I infected their son, but it’s the other way around.
I don’t know where to start to get help because everyone has been turning their backs on us. Even the teachers at school where my kids attend deal with my kids differently.
I had to bring a document to say my kids did not have HIV for them to attend school.
In this day and age, your illness can prevent you from getting an education.
If I could have worn a condom myself the first time and always, I would have.
I was afraid to leave because I had someone else.
I was told he knew he was infected a long time ago, but didn’t care enough to say anything. I know I have infected others, but it’s their fault.
At least I told them to use a condom.
What I’m so sorry about is that their wives and girlfriends may become victims.
What I’m so sorry about, what I’m so sorry about though is that is that their wives and girlfriends may become victims also.
In Antigua, it is hard to find employment with HIV AIDS.
Your friends and family members look down on you.
Even those who you thought were your friends are not your friends.
There is a guy who has fallen in love with me, but I know that I can never have a serious relationship with him.
He always uses a condom. We are like a match made in heaven, but it will not last. But it will last for a short time.
If everyone would have only been sympathetic and give me a chance to find employment, I would not have to sell my body.
I would not have to say, if you don’t want to use a condom, you don’t have to.
It’s hurting to know I have so many people’s blood on my hands.
But I need help. I need someone to talk to. I need financial assistance.
I want my kids to be raised by someone who will love them if I should die before they have grown up.
I’m really sorry for all I have done and what I’m about to do. But as I said, please help.
HIV infected persons like myself are humans too.
