A young woman was getting ready to go down the aisle. She and her boyfriend spent in excess of $15,000 on a fairy-tale-themed wedding.
“Although it might not seem like a lot of money for some people, it was our life savings,” she said. The duo also borrowed money from family members who were happy that they decided to tie the knot after cohabiting for nearly a decade.
The young woman, who requested anonymity, told YouthZone that she was getting dressed in the hotel room when her sister’s phone rang.
“My sister seemed worried but said everything was okay before she left the room,” she recalled. Oblivious to what was happening behind the scene, she continued to dress. Moments later, her sister returned.
“Her face was dead serious. Then she mumbled something that made me faint right away,” she said. “The last thing I heard was that he went MIA. The wedding never took place, but I’m good now,” she claimed.
“How did you overcome such a traumatic event?” we asked.
“After months of depression, my family got me back on my feet,” she said.
Today we’re looking at crucibles. Literally, crucibles are vessels used for heating, melting, fusing, or calcining metallic substances. They play a vital role in metallurgy, which is the science of working with and refining metals. Figuratively, dictionary.com tells us that crucibles also mean severe tests or trials or extremely challenging experiences.
Simply put, it’s when the pressures of life escalate — circumstances that either make you emerge victorious like the exemplary Job and legendary Nelson Mandela or break you like the herculean Samson and the talented Whitney Houston.
It’s important to note that just as there are different types of metals, there are various kinds of crucibles and instigators too — financial, spiritual, social, and political.
Twenty-two-year-old Déjà Knowles-Gomes told YouthZone that crucibles are inevitable, but it is the reaction to the trauma that really counts. Some people embrace hate and bar themselves from assistance.
They detest the world and even self and make it increasingly difficult to overcome hardship. It is important not to become disillusioned amid trials.
For instance, the first Black President of South Africa Nelson Mandela remained goal-driven although he was jailed for 27 years. Author Beatrice Gormley pointed out that while many oppressed South Africans gravitated to the natural impulse of revenge, Mandela focused on achieving a multi-racial democracy.
In his cell, which measured 7ft by 8ft, the anti-apartheid activist realised that hating impedes progress. It not only clouds the mind, but also “gets in the way of strategy. Leaders cannot afford to hate,” cautioned Gormley.
For individuals who are in the midst of crucibles, Déjà recommended that you “take your time and feel, go through the emotions. Don’t hold everything inside. This can be unhealthy. Those emotions can turn to anger and you lash out at others who mean you no harm.”
If we are going to defeat adversities and exemplify resilience, we have to build self-awareness whether via journaling or working closely with a mentor or counsellor.
“Find someone or somehow to let out what you feel so that you can ward off anxiety and depression,” advised Déjà.
Harvard Business Review (HBR) described self-awareness as the bedrock of emotional intelligence. When young people understand their strengths and weaknesses, they are better positioned to think critically and make sound decisions. Their self-esteem and confidence will also be elevated.
Being self-regulated does not mean that youth will live stress-free; rather they’ll be more equipped to handle the psychological, psychosocial and psychospiritual stress that accompany life.
And Déjà cautioned persons who trivialise the issues victims of crucibles face.
“It’s discouraging,” she said. What might be minor for you might be major for another. It is also critical that we teach youth stress and time management.
Counselling Psychologist Terese Millet Joseph asserted that young people have to manage the pressure to succeed in life effectively and still find time to engage in extracurricular activities as they balance social life, academics and domestic chores. Many youths lack the organisational skills required to achieve the success we expect of them.
Young people can also tackle crucibles and build resilience by tapping into their spiritual side. Spirituality, which encompasses both secular and religious perspectives, involves finding one’s purpose of existence. Research has shown that individuals who are developed spiritually tend to be more resilient mentally and also exhibit positive behaviour.
Joseph noted that the primary role of parents is to help them discover their strengths and purpose in life.
“I think that if as a parent you are not doing this, you are failing your child” and stunting critical aspects of his or her development, she asserted.
“If you have done nothing else for this human, ensure that you help him or her discover what God put them on this earth to do,” Joseph insisted. Solidifying purpose lowers rates of depression and suicide and makes adaptation possible.
Christian Counsellor Donna Gibbs underscored that resilience “is more than just healing. Resilience comes when God takes a painful circumstance in our lives and not only heals us but also makes us even stronger than we were prior to the struggle.”
And Déjà pointed out that healing takes place in different settings—sometimes in good company and other times in isolation.
Crucibles build resilience and refine character, but you must appreciate the process which may break you and transform you. Author Gormley highlighted that Nelson Mandela once stated that he was “not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying”.