An item in the Cabinet notes of Wednesday November 6, 2024, caught our attention on account of how far removed it was from reality. Take a peak, if you will, at item number six: “The Cabinet was informed that 5,000 chicks have been imported to start the chicken farm for the young men who were engaged in rival gang activity. The chicks will be fed a special diet that will allow those that are grown for meat to be harvested in thirty days; and, those that are to be layers will begin laying as many as three eggs per day, to be sold to families and supermarkets.” Good grief! Talk about hyperbole. We submit that, while it is true that broiler chicks, that is, those that are raised to be slaughtered, can be killed after thirty days, there are no layers that “will begin laying as many as three eggs per day.”
Of course, never mind that we’d never seen it happen, we googled and researched whether layers can be scientifically manipulated to lay three eggs per day, and all the information that we found revealed that layers can, under extreme circumstances, such as leaving the lights on in their enclosures, or with a special diet, lay two eggs per day. But that too, is a stretch. The normal output for layers is one egg per day. One blessed egg! “A hen typically needs more than a full day to produce and lay an egg. Even the most productive layers, such as White Leghorns and ISA Browns, will average about one egg every two out of three days. This means that over a week, a good layer can produce around 5 to 6 eggs.” (Kalmbach Feeds) Hmmmmm!
Which beggars the question: Why would the good author of the Cabinet notes, so casually varnish the truth and “egg-saggerate”? Why would he not recount the facts, egg-sactly as they are? Because it is his wont. He is given to playing ‘chicken footsie’ with the truth; he delights in embellishing the facts. And he does it quite nonchalantly, albeit with a multiplicity of words and assorted hifalutin verbiage. Not to mention the straight poker face. As we have often said here in these pages, almost every grandiose pronouncement from those on high perches must be taken with several grains of chicken feed, a healthy dose of skepticism. This is a fowl story, another egg-sercise in fooling the people. So sad! Every week – the same foolishness coming out of Cabinet. Where are the 5,000 chicks? How many are still alive? How long will it be before they are properly placed in their coops?
Here’s what was once said of Gratiano, he of Shakespeare’s MERCHANT OF VENICE: “Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them, they are not worth the search.” [Merchant of Venice, Act 1, Scene 1] The same can be said of he of the high pecking order in this Administration. Pick any Cabinet notes, and one is likely to find more than a bushel’s worth of chick feed and fluff. For example, there’s this kernel from a few weeks ago: “The Cabinet, led by the Minister responsible for Sports, made a plea to strengthen sports further.Following his presentation, Minister Matthew was asked to prepare a paper on the steps that can be taken to place Antigua and Barbuda in a winning column during the next 4 years, leading up to the next Olympic. The paper will be presented in 2 weeks, to include improving a strengthened sporting administration.” Lower your eggs-pectations, folks.We shall have a long time waiting on that.
Then there’s this grain: “. . . Although several providers and suppliers are still owed, the authorities will set aside a sum of money in the coming weeks to reduce their obligations to those suppliers and service providers.” Good cluck with that.
And what about this one: “The Boys Training School will be operational for the new School Year. New furnishings have been purchased and landscaping is being undertaken to present an acceptable compound that could inspire good behaviour.”Cockadoodle-doo!
Or how about this doozy:“The Cabinet confirmed that 3,400 air conditioning units are currently in Antigua in storage, secured by the Department of the Environment (DoE) through a global fund established by the advocacy of the Alliance of Small Island Sates (AOSIS).The Cabinet and the Environment Division have agreed that schools, government institutions, homes for the elderly, clinics, hospitals, vulnerable families and low income homes will be provided with these air conditioning units. The object is to ensure that as desert-like conditions heat-up the atmosphere in the warm months, those who can barely afford to provide for themselves can turn to acquiring an AC unit that would increase comfort.” Chupz!
Every week – it’s the same one-chick pony – lies, prevarications and half-truths. When it’s not Deluxe Cinema, it’s the Sunshine Hub Car Park. Then it’s the rehabilitation of St John’s City. Then it’s the Tranquility Park Cemetery. Then its the Cancer Centre. Then it’s the new fire house for St John’s. Please, give us a hen-kerchief, they’re laying it on real chick. Every week. Feel-good stories coming out of Cabinet to soft-soap and seduce the people into thinking that they are doing something meaningful for our betterment, when in truth and in fact, they are simply spreading chick manure. We’re talking about that fanciful assertion that we now have on island chickens that can lay as many as three eggs per day! Best of cluck with that!
Clearly, folks. The thing is to make sure that we are not deceived by this Administration. And when we hear a hen saying, “Cluck, cluck, cluck, me-lay, me-lay!” as it famously did in The Mighty Shadow’s classic, COOK CURRY OKRO, [DOH MESS WID MEH HEAD, Art De Coteau, 1980] let us never forget that it is signaling the arrival of one solitary egg. Not two or three.
Pass the eggroll, please. I am a bit peckish! Oh, oh! Where is Percy the chick when you need him.
We invite you to visit www.antiguaobserver.com and give us your feedback on our opinions.
