Parents are fed up of me

Counselor and Consultant, Koren Norton.
- Advertisement -

Dear Koren,

I’m getting the impression my parents don’t want me living with them anymore. I ended a relationship last year May and moved back home. I contribute financially but I do spend a lot of time in my room because I’m still dealing with the heartbreak of being cheated on. They used to complain I’m laying around and not cleaning up but now I am bathing daily and I bought a TV for my room. They don’t say anything but I notice they don’t leave out food anymore and when I come in, the conversation doesn’t flow as it used to. I’m 38 and I would want to believe they would prefer to have their daughter in the house rather on the streets but it seems not. After what I went through, they should be nicer. Should I bring it up with them?


Dear Daughter,

I want to believe that if your parents wanted you to move out they would come right out and say something. Some people are not always brave and so they drop hints and you have to pay attention to the verbal plus non-verbal cues. In this case, you shouldn’t have to. Adults can do better with communication and I’m hoping your relationship with them is a positive one where they can feel comfortable talking with you.

Keep making financial contributions to the home. But more than that, ensure you do your share of housework. Clean up after yourself and go the extra mile and sometimes tidy up after them too. Your presence should be a joy and not a stressor. Of course, daily baths go a long way in them not seeing you as a bum just smelling up the couch.

It could be that because you have been hurt, your perception of people is so skewed that you feel as though it’s you against the world and persons’ actions seem suspicious to you. As it relates to the food, remember they are not your servants and are not under any obligation to feed you. 

I think it’s good if you can check in with them. Say thanks to them for allowing you to stay there. Gratitude goes a long way. Then you can ask them what you can do differently to help more at home. If they are having any thoughts of wanting you to go, this is a perfect time for them to speak up.

Finally, you need to take care of business. Get some help if necessary to deal with your breakup issues and start planning how and when you can consider moving out. As much as your parents love you, they would have gotten used to their own space and you also need to take steps to regaining your independence.

Instead of focusing on how they are feeling, focus on how you could heal and move forward in your life. I know that breakups are not easy, I know. But right now, don’t make excuses and don’t look for a scapegoat – just do what you know is right and what is best for you as an adult. I believe that once you do that, things will fall into place in other areas of your life.

Send your questions and comments to [email protected]. Your confidentiality is assured.

- Advertisement -


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

seventeen − 11 =