Dear Koren,
I’ve been married for 14 years and my husband has cheated on me at least three times that I know of. Recently I threated to leave and he asked me to reconsider because he loves me. I was going to just move on anyway, but then I got diagnosed with a serious illness after not feeling well for a while. Now, I am feeling like I want to stick around because he should be the one helping to take care of me and there will be medical expenses. Is it wrong for me to stay because I’m not well, or will staying cause me stress and make me sicker? I don’t even know anymore what to do.
Frustrated Wife
Dear Frustrated Wife,
I can only imagine how difficult and overwhelming this situation must be for you. Dealing with a marriage with a history of infidelity is bad enough and now add to it having to cope with a serious illness – wow. It’s natural to feel conflicted about your next steps.
You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, and confused by your husband’s actions. Staying in the marriage because of your illness is not inherently wrong; it’s understandable to want the support of your spouse during this time. However, it’s crucial to consider whether staying in the relationship will truly benefit your well-being, both physically and emotionally. If you are staying to punish him, I would not support that. Two wrongs do not make a right.
You also have to remember that stress can have a significant impact on your health, especially when dealing with a serious illness. If the marriage continues to bring you more pain and anxiety, it may hinder your recovery and make you feel even more uncomfortable.
On the other hand, if you believe your husband is genuinely committed to being there for you and making amends, this could be an opportunity for healing and growth in your relationship. Are you able to be around him and not be resentful or bitter? Are you able to not throw his affairs back in his face every chance you get? If you are ready to forgive him, then I would say, yes, consider staying for the support. Revenge and wellness do not go together.
You also have to consider his side too. He has mentioned he loves you and wants the relationship. I would want him to know the full story about the illness you are dealing with so he can know what you both are facing. If he is committed to staying after hearing all the facts, then it could work. I would suggest you visit your physician together to discuss the way forward.
Ultimately, the final decision is yours and it should be based on what will bring you the most peace and support in your journey ahead as well as ensuring that your motives regarding him are pure.
Whatever you choose, know that you deserve to be cared for and respected and to life a life as free from stress as possible.
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