Dear Koren,
I’m a young woman in a relationship with a guy who is nice and supportive and very easygoing. He doesn’t allow things to bother him much. All when I’m chewing up myself, he can stay calm in situations. We’ve been together for about a year but as of late, I’ve been feeling unsure about how he feels because he doesn’t get jealous when other guys are around or when I interact with them. For example, if a male coworker gives me a ride home or I receive calls from other guys, he doesn’t seem bothered at all. Part of me feels like this is a good thing because he trusts me, but another part of me worries that he doesn’t care enough to feel a little jealous or protective. I’ve tried dropping hints, about guys asking me out and no reaction. I think that he should be showing more interest or concern when other guys are involved. Am I reading too much into this, or could his laid-back attitude mean he doesn’t really love me? I just don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if there’s something I should be worried about.
Concerned girlfriend
Dear Concerned Girlfriend,
Well, quite an interesting situation and I’m actually used to answering questions about partners who are too jealous. Relationships bring out all sorts of feelings, and it’s normal to question certain dynamics, especially when they don’t match your expectations.
First, it’s worth celebrating the trust and stability your boyfriend brings to your relationship. His calm demeanor and lack of jealousy could be reflective of a sense of security in himself and in your bond. Trust is part of any healthy relationship, and his behavior could indicate that he values your independence and respects your choices.
However, your feelings are valid too. It’s natural to want to feel cherished and prioritized, and for some, occasional signs of protectiveness can reinforce that. But here’s the thing: love manifests differently in different people. Some express love through words, actions, or physical affection, while others rely on trust and giving space. Your boyfriend’s behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he’s indifferent—it may just be his way of showing confidence in your connection.
That said, if his laid-back attitude leaves you feeling disconnected, it’s important to address this. Here are a few suggestions to consider
Let him know how his reactions make you feel. Use “I” statements, like, “I sometimes feel unsure about how you feel when you don’t react to certain situations,” rather than “You don’t care enough.” This approach invites conversation rather than defensiveness. Try to understand his perspective by asking how he views jealousy and emotional reactions in relationships. This could help you understand why he behaves the way he does and confirm whether his actions stem from trust or something else.
Reflect on whether his calm nature aligns with what you value in a partner. Relationships thrive on compatibility, and it’s okay if you realize you need a different dynamic to feel fulfilled. Also, look for other signs of love. Love is often shown in subtle ways. Does he make time for you, support your goals, or check in on your emotional well-being? These signs can often speak louder than fleeting moments of jealousy.
Ultimately, a relationship is about finding balance and mutual understanding. If he’s meeting your needs in other areas but lacks the reaction you expect, consider whether this is something you can accept. However, if you find that you’re consistently feeling unseen or undervalued, it might be time to reassess.
Trust your intuition, but also give room for honest conversation and try not to jump to conclusions. Just because you see other men doing something, that does not make it right. Sometimes we get so accustomed to negative patterns that they seem like the norm. For now, enjoy the calmness he brings to your life and focus on the positives
Send your questions and comments to [email protected]. Your confidentiality is assured.
